


Came Saw Conquered

by SharpieKlepto



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Adrenaline, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Demon Hunters, Blow Jobs, M/M, One Shot, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-10
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 20:38:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1442056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharpieKlepto/pseuds/SharpieKlepto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demonstuck au where John and Dave are friends with benefits<br/>I hate this stupid fic  and the amount of kudos it doesn't deserve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Came Saw Conquered

**Author's Note:**

> you know what some days are just days where you have to write a shitty one shot porn fic and today was that day for me
> 
> It should be noted that I am a total noob in writing porn. 
> 
> This probably has like 20 spelling errors anyway

John Egbert was having the best night of his life. Yeah, he was saying that because his blood was pumped with adrenaline. His best friend stood at his side, slicing demon after demon with his blood-soaked sword. John swung his hammer and crashed it into a demons rib cage, and crashed it into anothers cranium.

“Yo, I got seven so far.” Dave shouted as he sliced another one.

“I got ten, asshole!” He shouted back. The demon nest they were assigned to terminate  was pretty much a goldmine, especially for the stressful week they had. Nobody exactly to blame, they just were sick of the real world, and had to blow off some steam. Sometimes boring weeks are just like that.

“Behind you!” Dave yelled. He swung the hammer right into another demons arm. Dave stuck his blade into another demons head, and sliced another one in half. A final swarm descended upon the two of them, and they fiercely took them on, John crushing and Dave stabbing and slicing. By the time they were done, they were breathing heavily and covered in black demon blood.

“Well...” Dave cracked his knuckles loudly, “That was fun.”

“Amen to that.” John smiled, wiping some of the black blood on his pants, “I’m pumped on adrenaline dude.” Dave nodded in agreement.

“Where do we go now?”

“Away from all the dead bodies. Imagine if the cops showed up, that’d be great. ‘officer no the pile of bodies I’m standing on? That’s totally not my fault no way.’”

“Shut up man.” John hopped up and down, “Ugh, I feel like I could just kill someone right now, you know?”

“Woah there, let’s go home before we get arrested for killing an actual human being.” Dave said, and the two of them backtracked their way out of the underground lair.

 

They walked home together, not really saying anything, but the tension of their recent battle still lingering in the air.

“Where are the girls tonight?” Dave asked.

“They went off on a werewolf hunt tonight. It killed a few people in the suburbs, but I think the two of them can handle it.” John said.

“They got it though, right?”

“Dude, they’ll call us if they couldn’t deal with it.” Johns agitation showed, “Seriously, those two can do anything.”

“If you say so.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” John asked as they reached the apartment building.

“I mean that we should have gotten a cooler mission than going underground to a stupid demon lair.”

“Shut up, you know that was fun.” John mentioned towards the hammer on his belt, still wet with demon blood.

“I got thirty two by the end, by the way.” Dave said.

“Forty.” John smiled, “So kiss my ass.” He swung open the apartment door. They took of their jackets and lazily left them next to the door.

“So...” Dave said as he slid off his weapon belt, “You still pumped up from fighting?” John nodded.

“Well, I know what really burns off some of that energy.”

“Yeah?” John said.

John had no time to react before he had a face full of Strider, face pressed onto his, tongue in his mouth. It took one second of enjoyment, a second second of processing, and a third second of giving in before John kissed back. The lash of tongue, teeth, and lips made it hard for John to realize that he was literally kissing his best friend right now. He pulled away as quick as possible.

“Sorry.” Dave stepped back and kicked his shoes off, “That wasn’t right. I shouldn’t have...”

“No, it’s fine.” John went in for Dave this time, pushing him against the closed door.

Dave traced the underneath of John’s shirt, feeling the indents on his skin where his jeans left. He graced up John’s shirt, until they had to break away for a few seconds to get it off his head. Their glasses making tiny clinking noises as their faces moved. John began slowly moving his hands up Dave’s shirt. Dave let him take off his shirt, and pushed John’s hands to his waist afterwards.

John wondered if this was actually happening for a second. Wordlessly, he undid Dave’s belt, and the two of them slid off his pants and boxers until the erection was in full view. Yeah, this was definitely happening. Dave mentioned with his hand to the couch, and sat down before John could say anything.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do...”

“John.” Dave slid off his shades, “You suck. It’s not that hard.”

“I never did...”

“Dude, this is probably your first time blowing someone off. I’m not judging, trust me.” John glanced up at Dave nervously, and couldn’t help but lick his lips.

“Atta boy.” Johns heart beat loudly in his chest as he put his mouth over the tip, flicking his tongue briefly over the slit.

“Is that all you got?” Dave nudged forward, forcing more cock into John's mouth.

John had no problem, and let his teeth go along as he continued sucking. Daves moans from the couch let John know he was doing this right. Thank God. Dave ran his hands through John’s hair, pulling and playing at it.

Minutes later, Dave began moaning later, and John felt the warmth in the cock seconds before the genetic material spurted out. He practically spit out Daves cock at that point, letting it get on his face and the floor.

“Dude! You’re not supposed to spit it out!”

“Sorry, I chickened out last minute! Sue me I didn’t want a fucking fire hose of cum in my face!”

“Whatever, my boner is totally gone seeing your face like that?”

“Really? Because I’m looking at it right now and it is not getting any lower.”

“Shut up.” Dave retorted.

“We’re doing that again, right?”

 

A knock sounded from the door. John’s heart jumped, and Dave pulled on his boxers in seconds.

“Hey boys!” A familiar voice called from the door. Jade walked through the door, “Guess what? We killed that werewolf in seconds! Turns out, he was a police officer! We shot him down and before you know it-” She stopped abruptly when she saw the two of them on the couch. John with ejaculation still on his face and a boner, Dave with his boxers barely pulled up. Their jackets, shoes, and shirts were on the floor. They were not going to hear the end of this one.

“Where the fuck are your shirts.” She said.


End file.
